when i am not writing, i am also not writing letters to my grandma
writing through the
cobwebs of
dementia
writing to remind her
who am i?
who is she?
what words are.
what writing is.
i want to remember what i am not writing in my journal
to myself
in a "safe space"
where my narrative can be externalized without judgment
prejudice
without academic posturing
writing
stream of consciousness
conscious of my flaws
grammatical errors
syntax
diction
conscious of
not giving a fuck.
fucking — when i am not writing
when i am not writing my assignment for class
i am reading, i am reading and typing for other classes
the classes that matter
matter to who?
who am i writing for?
i am not writing for me.
who am i not writing for?
A collective of poets, thinkers, and dreamers. This is a collection of our work. "I think we are committed to the idea that study is what you do with other people. It's talking and walking around with other people, working, dancing, suffering, some irreducible convergence of all three." Fred Moten
Monday, November 21, 2016
not writing life
when i am not writing, i am also not organizing my thoughts
thoughts i am not thinking
thinking too much
much to do
do homework
home work
house work
working through the night
night terror
panic
fear
thoughts i am not thinking when
i am not writing
list making
then i can write
__ 1. find time to write
finish all other items on list before taking time
to write—right?
wrong—everything is wrong.
when i am not writing, i am also not finding time to clean, shop, cook, eat, clean, study, read, read more, take care of my skin, shower, bathe, book doctor's appointments, take car in for service, go for blood work, go for ultrasound, make dinner for mom, RUN, take care of my body, health, mind
mind you, i should write.
when i am not writing, i am always thinking about writing
writing and everything else
when i am not writing, i am also not finding the right words
words are wrong lately
i want my words to be right
when i am not writing, i am also not wronging
i am
nothing
thoughts i am not thinking
thinking too much
much to do
do homework
home work
house work
working through the night
night terror
panic
fear
thoughts i am not thinking when
i am not writing
list making
then i can write
__ 1. find time to write
finish all other items on list before taking time
to write—right?
wrong—everything is wrong.
when i am not writing, i am also not finding time to clean, shop, cook, eat, clean, study, read, read more, take care of my skin, shower, bathe, book doctor's appointments, take car in for service, go for blood work, go for ultrasound, make dinner for mom, RUN, take care of my body, health, mind
mind you, i should write.
when i am not writing, i am always thinking about writing
writing and everything else
when i am not writing, i am also not finding the right words
words are wrong lately
i want my words to be right
when i am not writing, i am also not wronging
i am
nothing
Sunday, November 20, 2016
Not Writing :: Lists
When I am "not writing", I am...
dishes
masturbation
running in anxious mental circles
sleeping
napping
trying to sleep
trying to nap
testing the limits of my cage, running into new invisible walls and finding new places of rupture
toilet cleaning
dreaming
trying to dream
nourishment (reading/brain, eating/body)
staring at the wall
worrying
conversations
procrastination
getting tattooed
drinking
darts
bowling
dancing
When I am not writing, I am not writing...
mental models, conceptual boxes, only to trouble and dissolve them
plays about feminist robots
plays about girls at the moment they realize they are trapped
hypothetical conersations with celebrities
angry letters to the editor
songs about setting things on fire
letters of apology
christmas cards
personal essays
diary entries
pithy tweets
short stories about time-travelling dinosaurs who save the world from climate change
text messages to people I love
new emoticons
dishes
masturbation
running in anxious mental circles
sleeping
napping
trying to sleep
trying to nap
testing the limits of my cage, running into new invisible walls and finding new places of rupture
toilet cleaning
dreaming
trying to dream
nourishment (reading/brain, eating/body)
staring at the wall
worrying
conversations
procrastination
getting tattooed
drinking
darts
bowling
dancing
When I am not writing, I am not writing...
mental models, conceptual boxes, only to trouble and dissolve them
plays about feminist robots
plays about girls at the moment they realize they are trapped
hypothetical conersations with celebrities
angry letters to the editor
songs about setting things on fire
letters of apology
christmas cards
personal essays
diary entries
pithy tweets
short stories about time-travelling dinosaurs who save the world from climate change
text messages to people I love
new emoticons
Writing/Not Writing
Writing to survive or surviving to write but does my writing survive or how am I going to survive my writing.
__
I wish I could an ending. I wish I could write beyond myself, beyond our world, I do not mean to say I want to write fiction, rather write to make the world and ourselves "better" that it was or is, would be.
__
I wish I could an ending. I wish I could write beyond myself, beyond our world, I do not mean to say I want to write fiction, rather write to make the world and ourselves "better" that it was or is, would be.
What is your not writing
When I'm not writing...
I am desperately catching my breath, balancing my mental and emotional state of mind. Processing the terms of behavior of those around me.
Caring for others, exercising, patience, love and kindness for the worlds I work within.
Not writing allows creativity to flow and inspiration to come and go. Awareness and desire seem to work hand in hand. Darkness becomes beautiful within this cage.
I am desperately catching my breath, balancing my mental and emotional state of mind. Processing the terms of behavior of those around me.
Caring for others, exercising, patience, love and kindness for the worlds I work within.
Not writing allows creativity to flow and inspiration to come and go. Awareness and desire seem to work hand in hand. Darkness becomes beautiful within this cage.
Writing/Not Writing
not be able to write is just because, my grammar and vocabulary is not clear that really my main issue, not be able to complete my school its locking me up in a cage. My wish is to be a good student, when I am able to write the way I want it.
- Zeny
- Zeny
The Good Doctor
The good doctor slices the city
Its veins, its arteries, its muscle and flesh
Sutured back together into his masterpiece
Is the scalpel a gift?
The good doctor is on TV today
His smile is perfect fat pink lips over straight white teeth
I have it on good authority that the good doctor knows best but
He hasn't examined this body or felt this pulse
Or walked these streets
The good doctor nods his head as if in prayer
As if to say he understands
He holds out his scalpel
An offering
a diagnosis
A cure
Sterile
Antiseptic
His smile is perfect
Its veins, its arteries, its muscle and flesh
Sutured back together into his masterpiece
Is the scalpel a gift?
The good doctor is on TV today
His smile is perfect fat pink lips over straight white teeth
I have it on good authority that the good doctor knows best but
He hasn't examined this body or felt this pulse
Or walked these streets
The good doctor nods his head as if in prayer
As if to say he understands
He holds out his scalpel
An offering
a diagnosis
A cure
Sterile
Antiseptic
His smile is perfect
Collective Writing Oct. 24
All I have are questions.
Where did I come from?
I cam from the discoverers
who brought their manifest destiny
and forced it on others
How should I feel about this?
ashamed
uncomfortable
unsettled
I I I
me me me
we we we
one
symbiotic entity
made
of love
in between your first breath and yesterday and
tomorrow you are who you are and not what
you will be.
we are here now, love
your first to you last. And everything
in between, from all the â yi hit
to all the â yi man, be mindful
of â yi
Love is Love is Love is Love!!!
I long to find my origin
much like this
Love is love but why can it
not be defined?
_________________________________________________________________________________
Grandmother!
Female essence and origin of life
Female authority and significance
Chalice - shaped structures
Where did I come from?
I cam from the discoverers
who brought their manifest destiny
and forced it on others
How should I feel about this?
ashamed
uncomfortable
unsettled
I I I
me me me
we we we
one
symbiotic entity
made
of love
in between your first breath and yesterday and
tomorrow you are who you are and not what
you will be.
we are here now, love
your first to you last. And everything
in between, from all the â yi hit
to all the â yi man, be mindful
of â yi
Love is Love is Love is Love!!!
I long to find my origin
much like this
Love is love but why can it
not be defined?
_________________________________________________________________________________
I Need to accept my circumstance of being.
a sub human martyr. I need to find a direction.
Inside outside myself and my circumstance. I Need
to recenter myself from scattered to the seven directions
of my being.
love each and one another pulls at my pillow
Love is hard. Pulling at your heart.
constantly. â yi hiy
Love! The insurmountable bogey man.
The holy grail of holy grails
It seems like being in a vortex
but with grandmother directions.
I might find love.
enjoy the sad days in your
life to cry Bring you happens.
sad days and good day’s are both
part of the cycle of life. Not
every day is happiness.
There is direction to our life - guidance - gifts.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Where we come from air and dust
twenty eight days: â yi
twenty eight days: â yi
â yi is supreme being meaning in
everything.
We are but a speckle of dust
in this vast atmosphere.
Humbling. despite learning this multiple times
we sense Past through our Body
to get rid of it.
Dust threw our body refers back to Genesis in the bible. How God
created man.
everything.
We are but a speckle of dust
in this vast atmosphere.
Humbling. despite learning this multiple times
we sense Past through our Body
to get rid of it.
Dust threw our body refers back to Genesis in the bible. How God
created man.
a nehiyaw paradigm is difficult to comprehend.
_________________________________________________________________________________
â yi hay to Mr. Quin for teaching Neyihâw history.
He said that the conquered don't tell their own
history which is very â yi man but not
this afternoon.
Restoration of a displaced voice
Restoration of a conquered voice
bring a sense of identity
bring a sense of therapeutic peace
He said that the conquered don't tell their own
history which is very â yi man but not
this afternoon.
Restoration of a displaced voice
Restoration of a conquered voice
bring a sense of identity
bring a sense of therapeutic peace
if you here a voice you are +
listening to your brain.
listening to your brain is appropriate
listening to your brain is appropriate
since it contains more the 30, 000
nearons all firing at once,
What part of our body do we use to
listen? Our brain? Our nose to remember
smells? Touch? Toes? Is it just our ears
listen?
64 DNA markers. numbersare significant !!
nearons all firing at once,
What part of our body do we use to
listen? Our brain? Our nose to remember
smells? Touch? Toes? Is it just our ears
listen?
64 DNA markers. numbersare significant !!
7 holes reaching to our world
listen to the brain
________________________________________________________________________________
Grateful for a blossoming of tender
emotion.
Connected to a moment where communication goes beyond what I
emotion.
Connected to a moment where communication goes beyond what I
understand into the emotional - the
real likfe "momma's" cookies kind of moments.
Full of warmth - full of community
Full of warmth - full of community
full of wonder.
But how do I describe those things!
I am reminded of holistic teachings
I am reminded of holistic teachings
teachings
I am reminded of those connections how
they seem to move on their own
they seem to move on their own
but they are connections
But how do I describe these things?
why so much emphasis on the image?
why so much emphasis on the image?
why is it so hard to tell everyone about my background and anything else
I hear you. I believe you. The courage
connection is everything. Connection is love
we are here for you
connection is everything. Connection is love
we are here for you
in taking these steps inspires me.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Grandmother!
Female essence and origin of life
Female authority and significance
Chalice - shaped structures
echoing the vaginal origin of life
know your language
creation from nothing
just like life
know the semantics
intimate and intricate structures
respect your surrounding
respect your surroundings like you
respect your body. The surroundings
and body are temples to worship.
respect the Earth. respect places and
spaces. Learn more of others
opening consciousness
opening respect
Are individuals becoming abstract now? Where is the body of the grandmother?
_________________________________________________________________________________
I Lean Do not Be
a person who feels sorry for
yourself enjoy life and grow
throw that Baggage away when
you get a chance.
enjoy life and grow because life
can be blessed if you live it appropriately.
Life is moments to be enjoyed. Take
snapshots of things you hold precious +
keep them forever with you.
changing attitude? thank you :)
life is ever blossoming, unconditionally giving,
reminds me of these moments to enjoy, to love
reminds me of these moments to enjoy, to love
changing attitudes indeed
how long does it take to change?
_________________________________________________________________________________
I learned this:
love each and one another.
Can 'love' be defined in words?
Love cannot be defined it is
something that is is just is!
WE are love. This community is love.
Thanks for the moment of "love" you share
with this class.
Love is definite?
What pulls us to define?
Can anything pullus away? Is there a line of condition? Where love and pain cannot
be reconciled?
Love is an emotional thing for me and I really would love ot have Reuben at the Learning Centre on Thursday.
Let's try and make that happen.
Friday, November 18, 2016
(Not Writing)/ Writing Ambitions
Daydreaming the blueprint
and willing them into reality
speculation and wallowing
in ethereal bliss - sensimilla
Nicotine scents trail my finger nails
anxious frustrations drifting
to the edge of physical exploration
anxious deliberations of failure
marathon in a seamless vacuum
Philosophical pondering on the origin of ideas
scattered across al genres.
and willing them into reality
speculation and wallowing
in ethereal bliss - sensimilla
Nicotine scents trail my finger nails
anxious frustrations drifting
to the edge of physical exploration
anxious deliberations of failure
marathon in a seamless vacuum
Philosophical pondering on the origin of ideas
scattered across al genres.
Self-Care
If no one will do it,
you have to
A girl was told
her hair was a nuisance
Her NATURAL hair!
No one batted an eyelid
No one spoke up
Images and videos of murders
of marginalized groups
destroy the conscious and
psyche of the oppressed
they need to love themselves
to survive.
you have to
A girl was told
her hair was a nuisance
Her NATURAL hair!
No one batted an eyelid
No one spoke up
Images and videos of murders
of marginalized groups
destroy the conscious and
psyche of the oppressed
they need to love themselves
to survive.
Revanchism
I had a shirt
one shirt to wear
and wear it I did
Can you spot
the radiant shirt
on that fellow
how can one so dull
own a piece of clothing
so colourful
this is an injustice
to we, the colourful people of the world
we, to whom all good things belong
Now, I understand the wheeziness
in the air
the restlessness of energies
stems from natural imbalance
can we admire your shirt?
can you tell us where you got it?
can we feel it?
can we have it?
one shirt to wear
and wear it I did
Can you spot
the radiant shirt
on that fellow
how can one so dull
own a piece of clothing
so colourful
this is an injustice
to we, the colourful people of the world
we, to whom all good things belong
Now, I understand the wheeziness
in the air
the restlessness of energies
stems from natural imbalance
can we admire your shirt?
can you tell us where you got it?
can we feel it?
can we have it?
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